I travel a lot for work (or used to, pre-covid and then post-covid when things started back up). Used to update my location on Seeking and Secret Benefits whenever I was somewhere for more than a week just to see what the scene was like.
Turns out location matters way more than anyone talks about. A platform that works great in NYC is dead in Austin. User demographics are totally different between LA and Chicago. It's wild.
This is gonna be long because I have thoughts about like 5 different cities. TLDR: if you're in NYC or LA use Seeking, if you're in Chicago try both, everywhere else it depends.
NYC - Seeking dominates
Spent about 8 weeks in NYC over the course of a year (multiple trips). Seeking is just massive there. Like I'd scroll for hours and still see new profiles.
Secret Benefits existed but felt way smaller. Maybe a third of the users?
The vibe in NYC is super professional and businesslike. A lot of guys in finance who treat arrangements like business deals. First conversation would be like discussing terms of employment or something. "Here are my expectations, here's what I'm offering, let's see if we're aligned." Very efficient but kinda soulless?
Allowance expectations were insane. Guys would offer $4000-6000/month like it was nothing. But also the competition was brutal. I'm decently attractive but in NYC I felt average. There are literal models on these platforms.
Met 2 people during my NYC time. One finance guy in his late 30s, very intense, very generous ($5000/month), but also very demanding. Expected responses within an hour, wanted to meet 3-4x a month, had specific preferences about everything. Lasted about 2 months long distance after I left.
The other one was in real estate, bit older, more chill. We'd meet when I was in town. That fizzled out naturally.
Secret Benefits in NYC felt like it had more guys who weren't in finance. Tech, real estate, business owners. Still plenty of money but less... aggressive? The conversations were more normal.
LA is all about looks
LA for like 6 weeks total. Seeking again was the dominant platform.
But oh man the competition. Everyone's photos looked professional. Everyone's profile mentioned yoga or hiking or their wellness journey or whatever. Very LA.
I updated my photos before going to LA (hired a photographer, spent $200) and even then felt like I was competing with instagram influencers.
The guys were... interesting. A lot of entertainment industry people. A lot of "I can help your career" types which is both potentially useful and potentially sketchy.
Allowances were high ($3500-5000/month typical) but there was more emphasis on "experiences" instead of just cash. Like taking you to exclusive events or introducing you to people or whatever. Some girls are into that. I prefer straightforward money thanks.
Met one person in LA. Entertainment industry exec, late 40s. Generous ($4000/month) but flaky as hell. Would cancel last minute constantly. Very LA attitude where everything is "let's see how we feel" instead of actual commitment.
Secret Benefits in LA had more normal people. Less entertainment industry, more business owners and tech people. Honestly preferred the SB crowd in LA because Seeking felt too much like everyone was performing.
Chicago is underrated
I live in Chicago so I know this market best.
Chicago is weird because both Seeking and Secret Benefits work well. Like actually pretty evenly matched in terms of active users and quality.
Seeking has more total users but Secret Benefits has better response rates. I've done extensive testing on this because I had the time.
Chicago guys are... midwestern? Less aggressive than NYC, less flaky than LA. More straightforward and reliable. If someone says they'll meet you at 7pm they actually show up at 7pm. Wild concept.
Allowances are lower than coastal cities ($2500-3500/month typical) but cost of living is lower too so it works out.
The competition is way less intense. Your profile doesn't need to be perfect to get responses. Just needs to be decent and show personality.
I've had 4 arrangements in Chicago over the past couple years. All through Seeking or Secret Benefits. They all lasted 3+ months. Generally drama-free. Very Midwest.
If you're in Chicago I'd actually recommend trying both platforms simultaneously because they both work fine and they attract slightly different demographics. Seeking gets more younger guys (30s-40s) in tech and finance. Secret Benefits gets more older guys (40s-50s) in traditional business.
Miami is peak chaos
Was in Miami for a month. That place is nuts.
Seeking has a ton of users but it's super international. Lots of guys from South America or Europe. Lots of people just visiting for a week. Very transactional energy.
Everyone's looking for short-term stuff. Hardly anyone wants monthly arrangements - it's all PPM or one-time meets.
The allowances were all over the place. Some guys offering $1000/meet, others offering $300. Had one guy offer me a trip to his place in Colombia which... no thanks?
Spanish is basically required. Like half the profiles were in Spanish or Spanglish. If you don't speak Spanish you're missing half the market.
Met 2 people in Miami, both PPM arrangements ($500 and $400). Both were fine but nothing special. Very transactional. Meet up, have dinner, done. No texting in between or anything.
The whole Miami vibe is like... everyone's on vacation including the sugar daddies. They're not looking for something ongoing. They want to have fun for a few days then go back to their regular life.
Secret Benefits in Miami was surprisingly active but same vibe. Lots of traveling businessmen, lots of short-term stuff.
If you live in Miami full-time I guess you adapt to this but for me it was exhausting.
Austin is chill
Austin for maybe 3-4 weeks. Way smaller market than other cities but honestly pretty good?
Seeking and Secret Benefits were pretty evenly matched. Maybe Seeking had slightly more users but not by much.
The guys were younger than other cities. Lots of tech startup people in their 30s instead of finance guys in their 40s-50s. Different energy - more casual, less formal.
Allowances were lower ($2000-3000/month typical) but again these are younger guys who might not be rich yet but have potential.
Met one person in Austin. Tech founder, 34, super casual. We'd meet up for tacos or whatever. $2800/month. Felt more like dating than a traditional arrangement? Like he'd text me random stuff throughout the week, not just for scheduling. We're still loosely in touch.
Austin felt like the least competitive market. Your profile didn't need to be amazing. Just be normal and responsive and you'll do fine.
The Secret Benefits crowd in Austin seemed more into PPM than monthly. Not sure why. Maybe because it's more casual?
Some patterns I noticed
Coastal cities (NYC, LA, Miami): Higher allowances, more competition, Seeking dominates
Midwest cities (Chicago): Lower allowances but more reliable, both platforms work
Texas (Austin, though I heard similar about Dallas): Younger sugar daddies, casual vibe, more even split between platforms
Smaller cities: Seeking usually has more users but Secret Benefits might have less competition so your odds are better
City-specific advice I'd give
NYC: Use Seeking, invest in really good photos, be prepared for high standards and businesslike conversations, expect $4000+ allowances
LA: Use Seeking, professional photos are basically mandatory, be wary of "I can help your career" guys, expect $3500-5000 allowances
Chicago: Try both Seeking and Secret Benefits, decent photos are fine, be genuine, expect $2500-3500 allowances
Miami: Use Seeking, learn some Spanish, focus on PPM not monthly, expect $300-600 PPM, don't expect ongoing arrangements
Austin: Either platform works, be casual, don't overdress, expect $2000-3000 allowances
Other cities I haven't visited: Probably start with Seeking because it has the most users, but check both
The allowance thing
People always want exact numbers. Here's what I've seen:
NYC: $4000-6000/month or $500-700/meet LA: $3500-5000/month or $450-600/meet Chicago: $2500-3500/month or $350-450/meet Miami: $400-600/meet (monthly is rare) Austin: $2000-3000/month or $300-400/meet
This is based on my experience and talking to other sugar babies in those cities. Your results will vary based on a million factors - how you look, how you negotiate, what you're offering, how desperate you are, whatever.
Also these numbers shift over time. These were from 2023-2024. By the time you read this they might be different.
Things that worked in every city
Good photos matter everywhere. Not necessarily professional photos but clear, recent, varied photos that show personality.
Being responsive. If you take 2 days to respond in any city you'll probably lose the person's interest.
Video calling before meeting. Weeds out fakes and catfishes and time wasters in every market.
Clear communication about expectations. Every city appreciates directness even if the style of communication varies.
Things that were different by city
NYC and LA want polished, sophisticated. Chicago and Austin want genuine and relatable.
Coastal cities move fast. Midwest cities take more time to build trust.
Some cities want relationship-style arrangements. Others want pure transaction.
The scammer tactics vary by city too. NYC has more "I'll send you money first" scams. Miami has more "come to my country" scams. Chicago has fewer scams overall (Midwest nice I guess?).
My overall recommendation
If you're in a top 5 city (NYC, LA, Chicago, Houston, Phoenix, Philly, San Antonio, San Diego, Dallas), start with Seeking because it'll have the most options.
If you're in a mid-sized city (like 200k-1M people), try both Seeking and Secret Benefits simultaneously because the difference won't be huge.
If you're in a small city (under 200k), honestly you might struggle on both platforms. Consider expanding your radius to nearby bigger cities or accepting that you'll have fewer options.
Also be willing to adjust your approach based on local culture. What worked in NYC won't necessarily work in Austin. Pay attention to how people communicate in each market and adapt.
Things I couldn't fit anywhere else
The racial dynamics are different in different cities. As a white woman I probably have advantages in some markets and disadvantages in others. Can't really speak to this comprehensively but it's something to be aware of.
Weather affects activity levels. Miami is busier in winter (snowbirds). Chicago is busier in summer (people actually go outside). LA is consistent year-round.
Business cycles matter. NYC is busier when the stock market is doing well. Tech cities like Austin fluctuate based on the tech industry.
Some cities have better customer density around certain neighborhoods. In Chicago the downtown/Gold Coast/Lincoln Park area is where most guys are. In LA it's more spread out.
Travel arrangements are more common in some cities. Miami guys often want someone to travel with them. Austin guys mostly want local.
Anyway that's basically everything I've noticed about sugar dating across different cities. If you have questions about a specific city I might or might not have insights but feel free to ask I guess.
The main thing is don't assume your experience in one city will translate to another. Each market has its own culture and norms. Be flexible and adapt.